Sunday, September 30, 2007

For the second Sunday in a row, I have seen a person standing on the same busy street corner wearing a mattress.
Yes, I said wearing a mattress — a dirty one, at that.
The mattress appears to have been hollowed, allowing room for the body and head as well as openings for arms and legs.
The person’s face is entirely covered with a mesh screen, which allows him to see but doesn’t allow him to eat or drink while working.
The mattress wearer holds an oversized sign in an attempt to direct traffic to the nearby mattress store.
I have no idea how long this person’s shift lasts, but I’m sure it feels much longer than it is.

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She looked to the stars and asked in a whisper, “What’s going to happen next?”

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Friday, September 28, 2007

I stumbled upon Diane Sawyer’s “20/20” interview of Jenna Bush and found myself surprisingly impressed by the 25-year-old daughter of our nation’s president.
I’m not sure what I had expected, but she struck me as intelligent, well spoken and genuine.

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Thursday, September 27, 2007

I followed the musing madwoman’s lead and took the Book Quiz.
The result was startling.
In college, I wrote a column bearing the same name as the book below, minus the 's' on the end. And, Saint Augustine and I share the same religion.
But any similarities worth gasping over ended there.
Then my husband took the quiz.
The first book (I wish I would have noted the title) was so wrong for him that he took the quiz again, only to be told that he is “Anne of Green Gables.”
“Bright, chipper, vivid, but with the emotional fortitude of cottage cheese.”
This kind of technical error is exactly why people should be wary of finding their soul mate after completing an online questionnaire.




You're Confessions!

by St. Augustine

You're a sinner, you're a saint, you do not feel ashamed. Well, you
might feel a little ashamed of your past, but it did such a good job of teaching you
what not to do. Now you've become a devout Christian and have spent more time
ruminating on the world to come rather than worldly pleasures. Your realizations and
ability to change will bring reverence upon you despite your hedonistic transgressions.
Florida will honor you most in the end.



Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.






You're Anne of Green Gables!

by L.M. Montgomery

Bright, chipper, vivid, but with the emotional fortitude of cottage
cheese, you make quite an impression on everyone you meet. You're impulsive, rash,
honest, and probably don't have a great relationship with your parents. People hurt
your feelings constantly, but your brazen honestly doesn't exactly treat others with
kid gloves. Ultimately, though, you win the hearts and minds of everyone that matters.
You spell your name with an E and you want everyone to know about it.



Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

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Wednesday, September 26, 2007

I woke up before 5 a.m. while my alarm clock was still sleeping. Call it predawn insomnia. The quickest way to have a longer day is to start earlier.

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Tuesday, September 25, 2007

I have been called selfish more than once and by more than one person.
It is one of my least favorite words.
And while no one called me selfish today, I have been contemplating the subtle differences between selfish and self-preserving.

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Monday, September 24, 2007

A politician in Germany wants to make marriage a seven-year commitment with the option to renew.
Of course, not everyone agrees with her.
While this topic was being discussed on the radio today, a man called in to say that, in his opinion, marriage is so harmful it should be illegal.
I know many marriages fail. But it seems absurd to try to change the fundamental meaning of the word: forever.

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Sunday, September 23, 2007

If you happen to spend your afternoons standing in front of grocery stores inviting the common citizen to take a more active role in the democratic process by signing a petition, beware.
While many pass you by, my father won’t.
He will stop, read the information on your clipboard, and then spend 20 minutes kindly explaining why he disagrees with you and your point of view.
His argument will most likely be one you’ve never heard before, as he is both intelligent and off the wall, two qualities I find endlessly fascinating.
But you, dear clipboard holder, will lament the fact he has prevented you, during the course of your conversation, from inviting 10 other common citizens to take part in grassroots government.
In that way alone, my father will have won a small victory for his point of view.

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Saturday, September 22, 2007

My husband has a burning desire to know if musical artists write songs with the specific goal of having them played at weddings.
He wonders about this almost every time a love song plays.

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Friday, September 21, 2007

The Universe sent me a note today. This is what it said:

“If you just look at all that already exists in your life, all that you already have: unlimited air to breathe, ample lighting to see, music to hear, books to read, stars to dream by, trees to gaze at, floors to dance on, friends to cavort with, enemies to befriend, strangers to meet, woods to walk through, beaches to comb, rocks to scale, rains to cleanse you, rivers to float you, animals to comfort you, you do have to admit, there’s more of it than you could ever, ever, ever spend.

But try anyway.

Big shot,
The Universe

No, I’m quite sure I didn’t say ‘enemies to scale.’ ”

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Thursday, September 20, 2007

Bumper sticker of the day:
“Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?”

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Wednesday, September 19, 2007

The priest said, “God blesses our intentions more than our actual work.”
For a second, I feel like I’ve been handed a homework pass.
Then I feel like the course work just got harder.

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Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Blah. Blah. Blah. Words. Blah. Blah. Blah. Words.

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Monday, September 17, 2007

“Must you continue to be your own cross? No matter which way God leads you, you change everything into bitterness by constantly brooding over everything. For the love of God, replace all this self-scrutiny with a pure and simple glance at God’s goodness,” said St. Jeanne de Chantel.

Self-scrutiny … for me, self doubt. And bitterness.
Bitterness is not beautiful. Yet, at times, I am so attracted to it.
It is a tendency I am trying to outgrow.

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Sunday, September 16, 2007

My husband found me watching MSNBC’s “9/11: As It Happened.”
“Why are you watching this? How incredibly sad.”
“I know,” I replied. But I didn’t want to change the channel.

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Saturday, September 15, 2007

Two weeks ago, I completed the first three steps of FlyLady’s 12-step process to properly clean a kitchen sink.
I emptied the dishes from the sink.
I filled one side of the sink with extremely hot water and a cup of bleach and I set a timer for one hour. When the hour was up, I carefully drained the water and then repeated the process on the other side.
I rinsed the sink thoroughly as to avoid inadvertently poisoning my husband or myself with bleach residue.
Of course, that was two weeks ago, and I have not gotten back to steps four through 12, but you better believe they involve a knife, a toothbrush and two more types of cleaner.

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Friday, September 14, 2007

Things you may expect to find at a church festival: Front row pews for Christmas and Easter being auctioned for a minimum bid of $100.
Things you may not expect to find at a church festival: A copy of Candace Bushnell’s “Sex and the City” being sold for $1.

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Thursday, September 13, 2007

I desperately want to run myself ragged. I just can’t seem to find the time.

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Wednesday, September 12, 2007

My grandmother has taken to bribing the saints.
Tonight, she couldn’t find an earring, so she promised St. Anthony she would send money to a soup kitchen bearing his name if it turned up.
She’s mailing a check for $15 tomorrow.

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Tuesday, September 11, 2007

I am the only person I know who gets lost while on her way to a place she has been a number of times before. Tonight I was 20 minutes delayed to a meeting with a consecrated woman (think nun).
My first impression to this holy woman of God was one of tardiness.
Lucky for me, such souls have a high regard for patience.

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Monday, September 10, 2007

When we were one, we were as fragile as paper.
Now we are two and we are as durable as cotton.

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Sunday, September 9, 2007

Let me state these facts and allow you to draw your own conclusion:
1. My “address book” is a drawer in my desk filled with phone lists from various jobs and organizations, business cards and envelopes with hand-written return addresses courtesy the sender.
2. My “filing system” consists of a cardboard box, a plastic crate and a tote bag that are stacked on top of each other in my bedroom closet. All contain papers, many loose but some in manila folders.

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Saturday, September 8, 2007

I keep walking into other people’s fairytales. But I’m looking for a story of my own.

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Friday, September 7, 2007

Shoe shopping made me keenly aware that my feet are not the same size as each other. I do not believe I am alone. And I think shoes should be sold accordingly, like bikini separates.

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Thursday, September 6, 2007

On the list of things I don’t understand are half-servings. For example: canned, bottled, boxed, bagged or jarred food that contains 2.5 servings.

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Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Here is a passage from a book I’ve never read on why we need our imaginations:

"Imagination does not breed insanity. Exactly what does breed insanity is reason. Poets do not go mad; but chess-players do. Mathematicians go mad, and cashiers; but creative artists very seldom. I am not … in any sense attacking logic: I only say that this danger does lie in logic, not in imagination. … To accept everything is an exercise, to understand everything is a strain. The poet only desires exaltation and expansion, a world to stretch himself in. The poet only asks to get his head into the heavens. It is the logician who seeks to get the heavens into his head. And it is his head that splits."

~ Page 89 of George Weigel’s, “Letters to a Young Catholic,” quoting GK Chesterton’s, “Orthodoxy.” Chesterton died in 1936. He was a journalist and novelist.

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Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Wash your face. It kills boredom.
At least that’s what the newest Neutrogena commercial, featuring “Heroes” actress Hayden Panettiere, proclaims.
I appreciate the soap manufacturer’s effort to promote proper hygiene, but haven’t these people heard of MySpace?
Teens don’t need to wash their face for a good time. They have about 200,137,389 friends in their network.
And that’s a low estimate.

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Monday, September 3, 2007

In celebration of Labor Day, I worked hard catching up on neglected chores and appreciated the three-day weekend and the fact that my to-do list was of my own accord.
Unlike the restaurant workers, retail associates and grocery store clerks, who despite the holiday in honor of them, worked anyway.

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Sunday, September 2, 2007

Today, my mom and my dad and my sister and my husband and I piled into my parent’s Lincoln and drove 20 minutes just so we could admire the brand-new, 68,000-square-foot Whole Foods that opened up 12 days ago three towns away.

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Every day I find new ways to torture my husband.
This morning, I put on blue jeans and a black top and asked him how I looked.
“That’s good. Wear that.”
“You don’t think the white top would be cuter?”
Not believing his answer, I put on the white top and asked him again which would be better.
“Wear the white top,” he said this time.
“You think it looks better? You think it’s cuter?” I asked, just to clarify.
“Yeah.”
“Why didn’t you tell me that a minute ago?”
My rhetorical question was the end of the torment session.
But my husband knows how to torture me back.
“Because I don’t like you at all,” he said, in his signature deadpan style. “Isn’t the evidence overwhelming?”

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