Thursday, September 3, 2009

Brave In Writing

I don’t write lies. But I self edit.
And sometimes the truth gets lost.
In taking a small, brave step to tell the truth always, this is what I wrote Tuesday:

It was the kind of Tuesday that for no reason makes you feel like crying. You feel the heat in your cheeks and the sting in your eyes but you don’t let tears fall down your face because you are at your desk and what will your co-worker think. You feel quite disenchanted even though you are trying to be positive and commit to joy. But you seriously doubt yourself, and you find it near impossible to believe you will ever be as cool as the artist ladies you admire. In fact, you are pretty sure even your friends think you are loser. And you only know for sure that your husband loves you, but you don’t know why.

Having now typed out those scribbled notes, I see why I self edit – I sound like a crazy person. But I believe everyone has a crazy person that sometimes talks really fast inside her head. And if you happen to be hearing that voice of self doubt, I just want you to know I hear it, too, and you are not alone.

10 comments:

john,  September 3, 2009 at 11:03 PM  

I know I am not alone when I say that you have no reason to self-doubt. I understand the ugliness of self-doubt, but you have a list of accomplishments that should scream louder than the ones that make you feel less than a rock star.

I wish I could go back in time and help that little girl that can but thinks she can't. That's not possible. So, I'll just sit here and encourage you and love you and pray for you.

You are a wonderful, smart, talented person.

Faith G September 4, 2009 at 6:10 AM  

Oh, Christina, I know that feeling.
WHat would I do without the friends like you in my life? The ones who are honest and sincere and generous? You are a blessing to me.

Nonna September 4, 2009 at 7:07 AM  

Much too familiar "self talk." Do you know what an important piece of my life you have become?

Thomas September 4, 2009 at 8:45 AM  

I have a crazy person inside my head too. You my dear are lovely and not a loser in the least bit.

Kylie

Alexa September 4, 2009 at 11:55 AM  

I don't even know you, but I wouldn't keep coming here and reading you if I didn't get something from you.
And even if I were the only one, I would think that would be worth it - being you, that is.
What I've seen, I am 99.9% positive is just a drop in the bucket of a very "rich" young woman.

Queen Bee September 4, 2009 at 2:15 PM  

Bess, rest easy that your friends love you. - Nancy

Christina September 4, 2009 at 11:44 PM  

Oh, my dear, sweet friends, you make it very easy to be brave.

Trisha Q September 8, 2009 at 5:03 AM  

I love you and echo everything else that was said.

T September 8, 2009 at 2:15 PM  

Much too familiar to me.

Everything you write is so powerful. What you wrote in this post - do you know how powerful that is and how many people that will help? Just because you were honest and not self-editing.

You, my dear sweet Christina, are a true blessing from God. So very talented, beautiful, loving, caring, smart....I could go on and on. Thank you for being honest and not self-editing this post.

Sheila,  September 8, 2009 at 3:34 PM  

I just read this and started bawling. (You knew I would). Then I read John's note and started seriously bawling (You knew I would do that too). We all battle this voice.

You are my hero in so, so many ways. I love your beauty, passion, heart and talent.

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